Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
