I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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