you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
