I bet he comes in French.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
