so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found puke in my bra..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
