I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
