Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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