Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
