If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm getting married
To pizza
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
