Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We need to get me chipped asap
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
