They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
