No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
