can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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