The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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