i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
