I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
