I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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