I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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