i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
