when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
