I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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