I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
