So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry about my life...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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