Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
