overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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