And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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