did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
