I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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