Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
