Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
