I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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