i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
