i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
