She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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