Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize