I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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