I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
