I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
