everyone is single if you try hard enough
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
