well you can't waste a boner
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
