Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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