Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
