If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
