Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
