I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
