He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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