im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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