i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
