I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
