I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
