Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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