There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
