Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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