just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize