I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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