It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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