i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
