my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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