He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
