I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
worst night to have a conscience
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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