after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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