69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
worst night to have a conscience
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
