totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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