i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize