Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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