She said her name was "party"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
