i think my mom watched the whole time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
