i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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