I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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